happiness

it's been a while since i post my last blog...i'm sitting in seoul and doing too much...and thinking too much...all i can think of is "i'm tired"...i have been working days and night since i got here in korea. working with a company in california and of course working for my own business here in korea daytime...because i love being busy, i thought i was happy for this much of work...but now it's out of that point...and i wonder is the happiness real? or the illusion...i tried to do something that i thought makes me happy, however, still i'm not happy...happiness is only for just a few sec? or doesn't exist at all? or it's just self convinced concept?

Bitter side of independence..........

this is part 2 of my thoughts around freedom and independence...i declared my independence twice in my life so far..one was when i left korea and the other one is now, when i walked out from my secure job...the first one was awful...i learned hard way what the independence means....i wanted to run away from my family...leaving korea, coming to the us was the one i chose...michigan was only school that offered me stipend and scholarship....of course, i wanted to go to schools in the big cities, but i didn't have any family support because it was escape from my parents....my life in michigan? miserable....first time ever independent without any money in a foreign country? it was yes, miserable...being independent was bitter, harsh, hard working...however, i have learned tremendously important things in my life, me myself, inner strength, love for others, and appreciations....

this is my second time of truly being independent....so far? not easy...i keep having worries around my finance situation, uncleared future, etc...it's fun but i'm working all day and nights without knowing whether my efforts will have any return in the future.....

independence has two faces...it's sweet and at the same time bitter....and it's not free.....it doesn't come with comfortability and safety, you have to be always in the edge to enjoy the sweetness of independence....and hardworking to keep it.....

What are you passionate about?

went to this talk yesterday at stanford...Andrea Wong, EVP, alternative programming, specials and late night, ABC--It was very interesting to hear about her story both life and career. she got an engineering degree just because she grew up in sillicon valley and getting eng degree was just expected. however, she hated and got to banking and then business school. she said one day i woke up and thought about what i like. the answer was food and wine, entertainment, and travel. so while she was in the business school. then she started an internship in ABC newsroom...funny thing was she didn't think MBA degree helped her to be sucusseeful in the entertainment industry. it was her passion and love. MBA means that you are smart so you know that you can go up faster than others...but what she thought the most important in her life was she found what she cares and loves. that passion made her to be successful in her career.....when you wake up every morning, what would you think, are you going to love your day? or hate? is it something you care the most?

Lost in Time......

today someone asked me "did you have a good weekend?" i replied "weekend?" he was laughing..."wow you completely lost your day concept! today is monday!" i couldn't even realize today was monday, i completely lost time concept, what day is today...since i have been working all the time, i didn't realize there was a weekend....what a fast mind change out of regular job....

Freedom, Independence......Selfishness?

a friend of mine responded back to me with this question. "i'm come to realize that freedom and independence are
extremely overvalued in our culture and generation, and are often used to rationalize selfishness."

Is it really? i think if someone claimed their selfishness as freedom or independence, i would say they probably misuse the term or didn't understand what freedom means or what independence means.....

freedom: from wiki: as a philosophy, it means the ability to act consciously, in a well-balanced manner and with self control in a given constructive direction. politically, it means the right or the capacity of self-determination as an expression of the individual will. When I say freedom, i mean more the first definition. Freedom doesn't mean you can destroy yourself at your free will or selfishness...however, i do admit that this is hard concept to define...what is freedom truly....i like Karl Marx concept around freedom....

"Marx was concerned ultimately with human freedom, reviving the ancient concept of communism, wherein human beings could fulfill their cooperative roles within society without fear of exploitation." (from victorianweb org, brown university). Of course, his concept for freedom is related to insidious modern capitalism. Capitalism can provide illusion of freedom to human being and at the same time, the system will exploit labor...when he talked about freedom, it is originally from consciousness of men...my question is who determine this consciousness? we believe we determine something consciously, however, is this truly from us? or from our society? is our free-wll truly from us? or even that is defined from our generation?

one thing I cannot forget from G. Orwell's 1984, winston smith's last words (I don't remember exactly though), "I love big brother....." what really is freedom to us?

The day I left Walmart.com

Am I a Prisoner? that was the first thing i was thinking when I walked out from the walmart.com building. it was sunny and bright....after i gave my 2 weeks of notice to michael, i was happy and full of excitement of what i will be doing...suddenly feb.23. friday, i realized that wow, i'm all alone, by myself from now on....i have been belong to communities, either school, company or family even....but for the first time in my life, i'm not belong to anywhere.....

there is an interesting analogy for a prisoner...after they released from the prison, they are supposed to enjoy their freedom, love their free life...the future is widely open for them...however, somehow they miss their cell, they miss structured life, they miss being told what they are supposed to to....strange...suddenly freedom is not the thing they can enjoy, it's a burden for them...they don't know how to enjoy their freedom,,,,

so i was thinking, what i will be? am i going to miss this cell? or am i going to enjoy this freedom, full potential in my life? i want to see, and explore what type of person i am.....