marriage?!?!

my answer is........"I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married.......queen elizabeth"

perfect ending.....

i always wanted to have a perfect ending in my life....possible? well, maybe....is it going to be a hollywood ending? or something else?

always alone......

someone said to me, you seem to be lonely very easily.....i think that's true....i feel lonely all the time...even i'm with someone or some groups....it's weird...nevertheless, i like being alone very much...probably the most...can think deep or read, or anything....what a paradox...love being alone but feel lonelier than anyone i know.....

free will......

suicide has been defined the most unforgivable sin from the bible.....why? of course, there is a need for that from the society perspective. our society needs to keep it going and keep it thriving....so makes sense it should prevent human beings from disappearing from any reason....the same reason being gay became a sin in our society....however, i think there are more than just keeping the society from suicidal attempts....human free will vs. god's will....ending their own life is probably the most biggest challenge to the divine power...only god can create and destroy the life....not the created, us human being....that's not allowed....i think that's why the bible defined the suicide the most biggest sin ever the human can commit......

no title

Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping
than you can understand
---william butler yeats

live in a moment......

there is a few second in the evening, true beauty in the sky, just before the sunset....don't you have that moment at some point that you saw a true beauty and want to keep it or memorize it or stamp in your head....however, it's just a moment....i think happiness is the same, there is a moment of true happiness, want to capture it, but will be gone in a sec....like eric rohmer said there is a moment that you understand another person deeply and truly...yeah...that's true...there is a moment that you can have a true understanding who they are, but it's a moment...in a few sec, things will be changed, and you will be left with a stranger....hope in my life, though, i have that "a moment" very often.....

me, the one that i love.......

am i the one that i can love with? am i the one that i can respect of? how would i describe myself to someone i met today? am i cool? or am i difficult to deal with? am i easy to hang out with? would you marry myself? would you keep me as a forever friend? important to be the one i can love with....not for someone else, but for myself....

my friend, hae-rhee

again, couldn't sleep at all.....so i have looked at some random korean sites and found an interesting new book....it's a movie review essay from hae-rhee....wow....i knew she is something....but it was weird to see her book in everywhere in the bookstores.....

it was quite a bit of obsession over years and years about her....she is one of two people i ever think as a genius...she is different, has different views of life....she may be the most powerful person i have ever met in my life....in terms of her existence, thinking, words, etc.....of course have effects on many things on my life even though she was not there....i was stocking her quite a while and curious about her all the time...no one would ever occupied my head that long and that intense....

now she is quite a famous critic in movie industry, yet so humble and still hasn't changed much since her college....she looks comfortable where she is....her words are like pearls, the most beautiful things ever to me....so powerful and memorable....i knew she would be like that one day.....and she is now....beautiful person....