one thing that made me smile today

connected with a friend, christian bohland, who i used to work together a long times ago...

find one thing that makes you smile everyday

yesterday, i was chatting with my friend, razab, he said why don't you find just one thing that makes you smile everyday? just try.....yeah.....i guess i will....

today me

Wanted to take a picture of me today since i got a haircut...i'm getting old and want to capture every single moment of my life....=)

everyone has great story

i went to this event today, asian women professional or entrepreneur.....there were three women who talked about their lives, challenges, solutions, etc....it was great....i thought my life is tough, unique, full of challenges, issues....but i guess everyone's life is like that....becauase we human beings go through the same life stages....they are physically similar feels the same way....sure, people are different, but in the deep side, they are the same too.....everyone has their own life burden...and struggle with it....you are not the only one....

nothing to lose

guess at this point, i have nothing to lose....had a fear that if i lose this and that, etc.....but silly, what else can i not lose? i have lost everything....this opens up so many possibilities though.....yes, i got problems....wanted to just escape, but i think that's not my way, that's not my personality....problem? good, i want to face it directly and solve it directly....thats my way.....when things got too comfortable, that is the time to leave....go for something uncomfortable....i have no family here in the us....why should i am afraid? i know the ending of my story, my life....why don't i try something i always wanted to do in my life before this story ends? get out of my comfort zone....i'm not married i don't have kids...don't be afraid....you have nothing to lose....if there is time to do something different and fix my life, i think this is the time.....

tough times, hard times will only give me the strength...

playing in the theater

a friend of mine said, "you know what? i don't get stressed out much from anything...this is my therapy....i pretend that i'm playing in the theater in real life...today i'm playing a friend of you....yesterday i was a media professional...." right...this is very similar to view the life from the third party perspective...it's like seeing you the same as someone else sees you...it helps to see things in very objective way...when i think i'm the center of problems or i'm the center of anything, i won't be able to solve the issues i'm confronting....i should see this from the outsider's view....

what's important in my life? nothing i guess....however, still i have been thinking i should be the center of the universe....that makes everything hard around me....i'm trying to hold what i have so far, don't want to lose anything...which is wrong....you know what, play like a theater actor....at the end of the play, the character dies....nothing left....no pain, no happiness, no emotion...just empty theater....i guess life is the same...today i'm playing loser, or sexy girl seducing many guys, or winner becoming a center of the universe....but in the end, there is only an empty theater...there is no lose, no win....i'm just playing my part in this world....

Back in writing

guess I'm back to write about my life....it's been good and bad, or frustrating....i think it's quite weird that i'm publishing my journal...it's something that i want to hide in my deep mind or do i want someone to read this? and sympathizing with me? donno...

i was stupid...i thought i'm the smart and i have very intuitive mind to look through the life and people....how arrogant i was...it was not....all lives are hard, and worth to live...and people are really struggling to make their lives good.....